0303 November

Yes, 0303 is the time this sentence was made, and it wasn't made in my head before it landed on the keyboard, it was made on the keyboard.

I apologize as these will be the dark thoughts of mine.

The first question would be why in all the place in the world that I was here at this hour? Well, can't really tell, or actually I do know the answer? Or is it just that Idon't want to face it? Phantasm of the forbidden world haunts me at this hour, and should I succumb to it? I might be already knee deep, perhaps waise deep. I can't begin to decide wheter I should wade out of this wetness, or should I plunge into the deepness that will submerge my whole being? The temptations of this hour is great, I could not advance, nor retreat, nor surrender.

I guess any reader would not find these words enjoyable, or even comprehensible. I am here to pour my reflections, and to find a way in this dilema to reduce my burden. I have understood that my burden is placed wrongly at this hour, but it seems that I am unable to put it down at the right place. Sinful I am, and it wasn't the first time that my ankle being wet from setting into this pool of darkness. Yet this darkness seemed so beautiful, and only when I felt the coldness in my bones, I start to wonder if this is worthwhile, it's not worthwhile really, still, I find it hard to resist.

I am shamed, shamed by my own thoughts as I offered so much judging during a time, and being unable to distinguish the poisons of my own mind. It seemed lost.

Seems lost.

A failure that I detest.

Choked in blindness now. I am fazed.