Stasis

(note: this is a useless piece of mind wandering thought)

It is so comforting that I feel to be at one time, at one place, and at one mood that I could be at ease, and to feel nothing, want nothing, yet needs everything. Or was that even a good feeling at all? I could not tell, there are things I should do, yet I do seem to listen to priority. I long for the days of comfort and calm, to listen to the surrounding music and choose which to tap into. But these days, there has not been a choice, or life is not about making choices, it's about finishing what has been choosen. We all have decisions made for us, or maybe it is ourselfs who laid the choice. Was choice the matter of the instant, and tolerance and preseverence the factor of the outcomes? Which is more important? Choice or preseverance. I suggest that it is the need for a change that comes in as the arbiter of this. Where do I want to go later? Should I be continuing doing this for the time untill sometime later? Will what I do now affect the time later? Will The time later affect what I choose to do now? I kept asking myself all these questions for years, and it feels like madness. Since when I started to ponder like this I do not remember. All these started from the fear of failure I know. The fear has striven me to wander, tempt me to walk into the shadows, hoping that the shade will be able to make a contrast to the light in front, so that I see better. Instead this shade has proven inpenetrable, and those self devised plans which were to laid out only to getr a clear view have me to stumble upon them. I always wait and see what happens. And this will cause me to miss the bus.


Ok! enough junk! Goodnight!